FIC: Downfall 1/1

[stellarmeadow]

Title: Downfall
Fandom: Merlin
Pairing: Merlin/Arthur
Rating: G
Genre: angst
Spoilers: not really
Summary: Merlin's on the run.
Disclaimer: They're not mine. I just like to play with them. I'll give them back, BBC. Really.
Word Count: 2352
Notes: Blame Matchbox 20. Many thanks to chelseafrew and marzilla for the quick betas!!




Merlin shivers under his cloak in the dark alcove buried in the cave. Muttering a spell to warm himself a bit, his eyes remain on the corner around which the opening to the cave stands. Vague noises, magic increasing their volume just enough to be understood inside his head, become recognizable as the too-familiar sounds of his pursuers. It is the closest they've come in over a month, and he wonders how much longer he'll be able to hold them off. Only magic has gotten him this far, and he has no spells to remove him to another place entirely.

He closes his eyes and leans his head back against the cave wall, unsure if he is entirely disappointed that he has no discernible escape. Hard though his life may have been before Camelot, he has never been in hiding until now, and part of him longs for this flight to be over, whatever the retribution may be, if only to end the solitary misery of the last three months. Months in which he's watched the colorful leaves of early fall drop to the ground and turn brown and dry, and the frost become snow and cold and misery that chilled him to the bone no matter what magic he used.

No magic, however, could dispel the cold inside him. He misses his friends. He misses his mother. He misses Gaius. But most of all, above everyone else...he misses Arthur.

It's been like a wound inside for all three months, and he knows as he sits there that at least, if nothing else, being discovered would end that ache.

So he sits, eyes open once more, staring at the blackness above him, and waits.

~~~

"Merlin," Arthur said, his eyes so close, his breath falling hot upon Merlin's lips, "we don't--you don't, that is, have to--"

Fingers on Arthur's mouth, Merlin shushed him. "I do," he said quietly. "I really do."

"But it's not an order."

"I never said I had to do it for you," Merlin replied, then his fingers moved, replaced by his lips on Arthur's in a lingering kiss. Forever, that's how long he'd wanted this, and now it was his, and he couldn't move fast enough, fingers so used to undressing Arthur fumbling now that it was so damned important he get the clothes off right bloody now.

Clothing gave way at last, and they were on the bed, naked, skin pushing hot against skin, and Merlin was certain that this was better than anything Arthur's riches could buy or Merlin's magic could create.

~~~

The noises grow louder, and he no longer needs magic to hear them moving closer to the cave. The spell to bar entrance to the mouth of the cave dies on his lips. He's so tired of running. There's no point in it--living without everything that means anything to him at all is worse than dying.

He closes his eyes, sends out his senses to gauge their distance, not even caring if they have someone now who can tell he's using magic nearby. He wondered a month ago, when they'd gotten so close, if they had employed or enslaved a sorcerer to help track Merlin down--after all, using magic to fight a greater magic would be reasonable, and most sorcerers would likely agree if it came down to that or death.

He feels the presence of someone else sending out their own sense, something familiar and oddly comforting, and pulls back into himself quickly, eyes darting around the cave as if someone was already there.

No other presence surfaces inside the cave, however, though it's hardly a comfort at this point. They are so close. It won't be long.

~~~

"What is it, Merlin?"

Merlin stared into Arthur's eyes, the warmth and trust there pushing the words Merlin needed to say deeper inside until he could no longer reach them. "It's...it's nothing," he said, finally.

Arthur frowned. "You know you can tell me anything?"

Merlin nodded, even as his mind echoed, 'Anything but this. Never this.' He swallowed the truth. "Honestly, it's nothing."

"If you say so," Arthur said, but Merlin could tell he didn't quite believe it.

~~~

"Here!" Merlin hears, clearly echoing from the forest into the cave. He is discovered, or close enough, and it will be only moments until they come in. He should hide--cover himself, use magic to make himself invisible, turn himself into a rock, something, anything to hide.

He sits and does nothing, eyes focused on the corner where someone will appear.

~~~

Merlin stood on the parapet, looking down at the scorched earth below, a fallen sorcerer in the middle of the burn marks. Instinct said to hide, but it was too late. He saw Arthur, could see the blue of his eyes even from this height. Arthur, who was still alive. Who had not been killed by the sorcerer, despite her best attempts. Who was, at that moment, staring up at the parapet, looking right at Merlin.

He knew.

Nothing else mattered anymore.

~~~

He hears footsteps growing louder, approaching the corner, then he hears more than sees a person round the corner. "Merlin?"

Merlin blinks at the voice, recognizing the presence he'd felt searching for him minutes earlier. "Gaius?"

"Yes." He hears the shuffling of feet, then Gaius is close. Merlin conjures a ball of light and sends it flying into the space between them, noting the new lines on Gaius's face. "I...I didn't think it would be you they sent."

"Who?"

"Uther. His army."

"Merlin...." Gaius takes a deep breath. "There is so much you need to know. But I am not allowed....." He breathes heavily again. "Look, will you promise to stay here and not do anything rash?"

Merlin's laugh feels bitter, even to himself. "Had I planned on anything, Gaius, you would not be standing there."

"Believe me, I thought of that before I came in," is his dry response. "I am merely here to ensure you will not harm the person who comes next."

"I am tired of running," Merlin says, surprised at his own calm acceptance. "You have my word."

"Very well." Gaius looks as if he is going to say something else, then shakes his head, turns, and leaves.

~~~

He doesn't even know why he waits. Every nerve, every muscle is begging Merlin to flee, but he simply goes to Arthur's chambers and sits by the table, waiting.

He doesn't have to wait long.

Arthur comes rushing in, hand on the hilt of his sword. Merlin thinks, a little oddly, that he's lucky the sword isn't drawn. The slamming of the door behind Arthur makes Merlin jump.

"What the hell have you done?"

Merlin shrugged. "Saved your life," he said, seeing no point in even attempting to hide it now.

"You're a..." Arthur looked around the room, as if a different word would present itself, but when none does, he looks back to Merlin, "sorcerer?"

"I was sort of wondering when you were going to notice."

"But sorcery's forbidden!" Arthur looked as though he still could not quite comprehend the idea. "You can't possibly be a sorcerer. I'd--"

"You'd what? Know?" Merlin gave a harsh bark of laughter. "Think about it, Arthur. Didn't you know? How many times should you have been dead by now? Did you think it was just a very long streak of luck?"

Arthur opened his mouth, then closed it again. A moment later, he stepped forward until he was inches from Merlin. "Get up."

Merlin stood, nearly nose to nose with Arthur. "So, off with my head, then?"

"What?"

"Let's not pretend. I always knew there was a good chance I'd be killed if I was discovered." His eyes blazed into Arthur's. "I had hoped you would take into account that the only magic I've really used has been on your behalf."

Arthur blinked, anger fading for a brief moment. But only brief. "You lied to me," he said, drawing in a ragged breath. "You stayed here, professing loyalty, and all the while breaking the most sacred law in the land."

"For you!" Merlin refused to let Arthur's gaze go, begging him silently to understand.

The fire crackled, and at least a full minute went by before Arthur spoke again. "Get out," he said.

"Arthur--"

"Go!" He stepped back, looking at the floor. "I'll give you a head start--it's all I can do."

Merlin took one last look at him, cold, no anger or emotion visible, only a stony face...and fled.

~~~

More footsteps follow quickly, and Merlin waits, his throat and chest tight. He'd hoped, but it's still surprising to see Arthur walk around the corner, alone and weaponless. He pauses a few feet from Merlin, the light from the ball still hovering above Merlin's head allowing him to see the red eyes and the expression so different from what Merlin was used to that it took him time to place it.

Haunted, he realizes at last, with a touch of fear. The thought almost amuses him--Arthur is the last person to need to fear Merlin.

"Merlin," Arthur says, and his voice is hoarse with tiredness, making Merlin's heart ache. "I was beginning to think we'd never find you."

"And yet you used my closest friend to do so," Merlin says, not bothering to hide his misery. "Well done."

Arthur's eyes flicker up to meet Merlin's. "I had to."

"It was that important to kill me before I did something evil?"

"What?" Arthur's confusion is evident on his face. "No! It's--how could you think I wanted to kill you?"

"Oh, I don't know, Arthur. Perhaps it was the quick head start with your hand on your sword? Or the fact that you knew I had committed the highest treason right under your nose for months?"

"You--" Arthur's eyes close for a moment. "You have no idea what we've gone through," he says, opening his eyes again and looking at Merlin once more. "What I've gone through."

Merlin shakes his head. "I'm sure your father was extremely annoyed with you. If killing me is what it takes to get you back into his good graces, then do it quickly, please. I'll not fight you. Not anymore."

"I could never kill you," Arthur says, his voice raw now, taking a few more steps forward, until Merlin could smell him. "I--fuck." Arthur scrubs his hand over his face. "I should have let Gaius explain more, but I was so impatient."

"To lock me up?"

"No. To see you again." His eyes search Merlin's face. "I wasn't sure I would see you. Ever. And the thought was more than...well, it was not pleasant."

Frowning, Merlin thinks over those words. "I don't understand," he says finally.

"My father...." Arthur swallows against the crack in his voice. "My father is dead. His stubborn refusal to believe magic could destroy him was his undoing, and it is my fault."

"Your fault?" Merlin's confusion makes his head spin. "You didn't...he wasn't...." He has no idea how to ask Arthur if he brought about his own father's death.

"I sent you away," Arthur says. "Because of my fear and anger, you weren't there to protect him."

"Oh." Merlin thinks for a moment. "I'm very sorry for your loss."

A harsh laugh escapes Arthur's throat. "Thank you. My loss may not be the kingdom's loss, however," he says.

"Oh. You are the king now," Merlin says as he realizes what Uther's death means.

"So they tell me, though I confess I have not spent much time in Camelot since ascending the throne."

Merlin blinks. "Where have you been?"

"Looking for you." Arthur steps forward again, venturing to take Merlin's hand. Merlin allows it, looking down at where Arthur's cold fingers are encircling Merlin's warmer ones. "I have been searching for you for months."

"I know," Merlin admits. "You've nearly had me a few times."

"I'm so sorry," Arthur says. "My ignorance and temper have cost me not only my father, but also your company and your counsel."

"My counsel is what you miss?" Merlin says, not as easily swayed--or at least not wanting to appear to be.

Arthur's mouth tilts in a hint of a potential smile. "Among other things."

"I'm not interested in doing your laundry," Merlin says, knowing he cannot go back to hiding as a simple servant. "Or mucking your stables."

"Someone else can handle all of that," Arthur agrees readily.

"Most of all," Merlin says, "and this one is a deal breaker. I am not interested in hiding."

Arthur nods solemnly. "Magic is no longer outlawed in Camelot," he says. "It was the one and only decree I issued before rushing out to find you.

"Magic is back in Camelot?" Even with Arthur's appearance, even with Gaius helping, he had not expected this. "Really?"

Arthur nods again. "Camelot could use a counsel with magic skills to help us cope with the sudden influx of strange spells," he says. "Gaius would be of some help--though I've kept him busy looking for you--but we need someone with stronger skills. Or so he says."

"You want me back to help control the magic in Camelot?"

"Well," Arthur says, thumb stroking over the back of Merlin's hand, "I confess that was the reasoning I used when burning up so many of Camelot's resources to find you."

Merlin raises an eyebrow. "And the truth?"

"I want you back." Arthur's gaze holds his. "I need you back. Camelot does not work without you because I cannot work without you."

Breath catching in his throat, it is a moment before Merlin can speak. "I would like nothing better than to return," he says at last. A small smile plays around his lips. "Both to Camelot," he adds, "and to you."

"Thank you." Arthur closes his eyes briefly on the fervent words, his hand squeezing Merlin's, before he leans in for a kiss.

At the touch of Arthur's lips, Merlin already feels as though he has come home.

---
END